Last Wednesday night marked my 1-year anniversary in New York City. Wow. I'm glad that I couldn't remember whether it was Wednesday or Thursday because I would have been obsessing about it and trying to make it more perfect than I already subconsciously doing (but also, ignoring- thankfully). When I realized, Thursday morning, that my one-year was in fact the night before, I was relieved.
I was relieved because I spent the night doing something that felt natural, but still new, refreshing, and exciting which was spending time with a new friend from work watching the members screening of Gaspar Noe's "Love" at IFC Center.
I'm a bit hesitant because lately I've been a bit more obsessive and somehow contradictingly, lists and mapping out every detail seems exhausted. I feel sad thinking back about these moments because of time and how many are awash in loneliness, albeit seeming like fun, simple things on the surface. and when i read this list i am fearful that i will feel disappointed in myself and unimpressed by my childish rememberences and sentimentality that I feel pressure to have outgrown by now. If anything, a year alone in NYC has put me more in touch with the void than anything in my life has. Sometimes I felt like a prisoner
I don't like that I don't have the same "I LOVE NY!!!!" impression that virtually everyone else I meet here seems to have. It makes me feel even more alone, alien, and like I'm doing something wrong or have too many insurmountable mental barriers that are becoming engrained in me (I'm getting 'old,' 27!!!)
Most memorable events (should I do good or good&bad???? --scared of depressing tho):
-finally working at American Girl Place (lol) and meeting Alexis.
-going to Beacon for the Felice Brothers show by myself and meeting up w/ a friend
-Helping Brent!! That was rly cool
-discovering Greenwood Cemetery
-living near Sunset Park
-Discovering a friend in my internship boss, Catherine
-my parents visiting, esp going out to eat at the restaurant the first night and Comedy Cellar
-After one year, I finally feel as if I have built close to (or as close as I have had) to a solid, more maturized wardrobe that I can rely on to express myself in a more sharp and assured/confident way
-almost psychedelic walks in BK Chinatown
-realizing that I am separate from my SF friends in ways I didn't think I would be and that that's okay because maybe I'm just rly myself now-- still thankful to feel in touch with Lisa tho on a spiritual level.
-Watching Breaking Bad alone while being sick haha. And being rly inspired by it.
-Viewing some rly interesting and unique stuff @ the Paley Center
-Networking event @ the Paley Center
-taking much more film photographs
Now, I feel like I'm ready for the next more serious stage in my life. I can't believe it took this long. I say more serious, but its more focused than daunting. For once. Fuck... It's like, I'm ready to take some control
***posting this late, but before Jan. 1st ends, i still need to edit it tho probably***