nynastc-y

What would make me happy:

-quitting everything
-bf or crush who doesnt suck
-jesus idk
-probably living back in CA tbh
-normal schedule & life // access to regular yoga and ocean
-complete erasure of all the bad memories from since i've been here and probably some before too

-but what about the cinema here, fuck

**List of boys I've been obsessed with who have also flipped me off at one point**

Outside/Inside

It doesn't matter how lucid of a conversation you're having, if you don't feel a genuine closeness and attachment to the person you're talking to, there is no point in having the discussion because you will still feel empty and uninspired afterwards. Maybe even worse.

NYC is weird because I feel like I'm moving through the streets like a singular robot. What seems enthralling from a distance becomes generic and corporate up close and I feel farther away from myself than I should.

How much longer am I going to stay trapped in this room, wasting away the last years of my twenties? But going outside doesn't help unless I am with someone who is completing me and wants to be in that position where we mutually benefit each other.

Orange train blurs

When it's considered a victory if I can get through the subway ride home without crying, maybe it's time to move. Like, this shouldn't be a normal thing.