Monday, July 17, 2017

Highlight(s) of My Day

The highlight of my day today was getting to talk about my Asia trip with a frequent guest/passerby at AFC who I haven't seen in a while. He seemed equally engaged in what I was talking about which was nice and encouraged me to write my idea of a book.

The other highlight was imagining seeing Steve Buscemi tomorrow at the shoot I'm helping out at. I'm nervous and have wasted time being exhausted (and hot) in my room all night. Going to bed soon.

I'm getting annoyed by/with mostly everyone at work. I think it's because I've outgrown the situation and them by association. I have way bigger things to deal with than any boring petty drama or gossip Everyone is super young and barely anyone's lives interest me there.

I'm still feeling alone but there's more of a lightness and less of a panic to it. Maybe because I feel more confident and focused now for some reason. I'm sure this will pass and I'll feel miserable again soon enough, but maybe not ~ Maybe I'm #growing, lol.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

I had a dream involving high school friends and it gave me perspective.

I am now thankful that I woke up and fell asleep again, only to wake up at 1:02pm. It's strange to me how it's hard to tell when your body is truly ready to get up and take on the day in its best, most energized form.


A group of 4-5 of us were sitting on an elevated grass patch, on a long horizontal hill essentially, overlooking what appeared to be downtown NYC (Empire State in middle). So I think we were on the west side of Manhattan, almost as if on some sort of grassy alien fortess gate. I think it was me, David, Mindy T/Natalie (maybe both?), Auva, Julie from college, and Jessica. Before I arrived there, I was on some sort of plane with Julie in the nighttime. We looked over and I noticed the ocean had a large hot pink area in it, kind of like the outline of an airplane with other small similar marks within the mass. Julie didn't seem to care until I pointed out what it could have symbolized. Then I held up some paper that showed it was some sort of infared reflection. The colors of this dream were forest green, light lime gream, beige, black, and brown with some twinkling (but not romantic) city lights in the distance. A war was going on, it had just started two weeks ago between the USA and South Korea (?). No side had vehemently struck yet, but I was one of the new soldiers who had mandatorily been selected to fight and prep. I think I just finished my two weeks of training and waiting for battle and thankfully nothing bad had happened yet but I was terrified the whole time. I don't think the others had fought.... it was just me. I asked aloud how we will know when the real fighting will start, it could be anytime that something catastrophic happens, it just depends who makes the first move and we do not know. I think David or Auva said something like it just depends who wants to be the aggressor first. I asked if there is a timeframe for this beginning tentativeness that felt almost worse than the real war, as if me and my fellow soldiers were just waiting there to die at any moment, not knowing when to say goodbye to our loved ones and this Earth and that was terrifying. It was hard to stay thankful while being alive and for the present moment because it could distract you from the threat at hand. We were eating take out Chinese food a la Vanessa's Dumplings. While squeezing soy sauce from one of those clear ketchup bottles onto my dumplings in a small box, there was water squirting out from the sizes and getting on Auva. I felt very embarrassed and apologized.

Monday, July 10, 2017

[Placeholder for room/lifestyle images... I'm rly into interior design & decorating and think I should showcase some of my rooms so I can change them or minimize without feeling guilty]

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Hearst Castle!!!!

So, my phone just almost gave me an instant heart-attack, as I no longer can see my treasured CA trip photos (or at least, the important ones!!!) on my phone or google photos .. but thankfully they are still in my <3 and="" cloud="" don="" i="" nbsp="" need="" p="" panic.="" t="" to="">
Either way, I should probably have them backed up somewhere non-apple related, cuz u never know. ><

(And at the hotel... <3 p="">

Monday, March 13, 2017


Tonight I bought my first travel guide book for my Asia tour! So genuinely excited for something for a change. Seems like an alternate universe.

Thursday, January 26, 2017


I might be turning over a new leaf. Not to jinx myself, but this may be happening. Abandoning all old, sad, negative emotions behind and trying to keep trekking forward. Not sure if this is neglecting my feelings or just getting to the point where I cannot fruitfully cry anymore since it's not changing anything or making the situation better.

Still not sure what I'm going to do long-term and I wish I'd committed to something by now but at least I'm still exploring. (?) Would probably like to go back to Europe to do fashion, stay here and do film (trying not to have an existential crisis that I'm interning at 28), and/or enroll in FIT in the summer/fall. At least I have cute, new clothes from Stories. Worried that if I quit the restaurant I'll be short on hours and money but I'm not sure how I can do it and keep working at Angelika and Stories. Is it worth the extra $100/wk or could I find something else/make it up somehow?

ARGHHHHHHUGHHHHHHHHH $&@*&$!(_$*!*$ I hate devoting so much energy to worrying about stupid, meaningless problems like this!!!!!!!!

If only I had one real job already!! (and wouldn't feel trapped in one path/stifled) PLEASE. FREAKING. HELP, life!!!!!!!! =O

Monday, August 8, 2016


What would make me happy:

-quitting everything
-bf or crush who doesnt suck
-jesus idk
-probably living back in CA tbh
-normal schedule & life // access to regular yoga and ocean
-complete erasure of all the bad memories from since i've been here and probably some before too

-but what about the cinema here, fuck